All of You (A Rebel Desire Novel Book 3) Read online

  And some weekends, when Abigail can’t babysit, I bring Rae here and she hangs out in the kitchen. It isn’t ideal, but I’m grateful for it. Summer break starts soon, and I’ll have Rae here more than usual.

  When I’m done with my shift, I head home, eager to see Rae. I left her sleeping this morning, and I’m looking forward to spending some time with her. Maybe we can walk to the park near our house.

  Opening the door, I hear Rae talking to Abigail. A smile covers my face as I hear her tell her about something that happened at school last week. At least she’s having a good year in her new school. I was nervous for her to start kindergarten back in the fall, but she always proves to me how ready she is for life. She’s my baby girl, but she’s way too smart for her age. I don’t remember being this savvy at six years old.

  “Hi!” I walk in to see them.

  “Mommy!” Rae jumps into my arms and I squeeze her tightly.

  “Hi, sweetie.”

  “I missed you.” She cuddles into me, nuzzling her face into my neck.

  “I missed you, too. Did you have fun with Abby?”

  “Yeah! We colored and played with my doll. She also brought me some cookies.” Rae leans back and I’m met with a wide smile. I look over her shoulder at Abigail and mouth, thank you. She winks and stands from the sofa.

  “We had a great day. She filled me in on what she’s learning, and I helped her read her book.”

  “Thanks, Abby. I owe you.”

  “Nonsense, sweetheart. I happily do it. It’s the closest thing I’ll ever have to a granddaughter,” she grins. Abigail and her husband never had children, although she always wanted them, so I know watching Rae is a gift for her. I only wish I could pay her, but she scolds me every time I bring it up, telling me to put the money I’d give her to treat myself to something. Instead, I split the little bit I can into a savings account for Rae and some for my parents. I want her to go to college and live out her dreams. I don’t want my situation to stop her from living. Not that I resent my parents, but I wasn’t able to have the support because of our circumstances.

  Once Abigail leaves, I look around the home. Bless her, she cleaned for me. If she won’t accept my money, I’ll buy her a small gift as a thank you for all her help. She’s the closest thing to family I have in this area outside of the diner. Her and Blake make sure I’m doing okay and have everything I need.

  “Do you want to go to the park before the sun sets?” I ask Rae.

  “Yes!” she exclaims, stating it’s the best day ever. My heart flutters and tears fill my eyes. It doesn’t take much to make her happy, and I try with all my being to do whatever I can for her.

  Hand in hand, we walk to the nearby park. It’s a blessing that there’s a small park here near the mobile homes. A few of the families have children, so we have some place to take them that’s safe. This area may not be the best in town, but at least the neighbors all respect each other. Outside of here, I wouldn’t wander too far alone or even with company.

  Rae sings as I push her on the swing. To think, I almost gave her up. I’d never have an abortion, but I did consider adoption. I knew I’d never give her the life she deserved, but after that first doctor’s visit and hearing her heartbeat, I fell in love. It was instant, and I knew in that moment, I’d do anything to keep her and make a life for her.

  That was when I decided to move out of my parents’ house. It was too much. My pregnancy was unexpected, an irresponsible one-night-stand. I was working in a bar at the time and quit as soon as I found out I was pregnant, got a job at Joyce’s Diner, and moved into the mobile home with the bit I had saved.

  At first, my dad said we would make it work, but when I told him my reasons, he respected my decision. He did make me promise I wouldn’t disappear on them. I could never do that to them. My mom’s disease was too advanced for her to notice.

  “Mommy, look!” Rae interrupts my thoughts, and I clap loudly as she goes down the slide.

  “Great job, baby,” I praise and wrap her in my arms when she runs up for a hug. I look at her wavy, blonde hair and big brown eyes. People say she looks exactly like me, but I wouldn’t know if she looked more like me or her father. The eyes aren’t mine, so they must be his.

  After swinging a little longer, we head back home and lock ourselves inside.

  I stir the mac and cheese as it cooks, and Rae watches cartoons on the local channel. I serve our dinner and sit with her on the sofa.

  “Tomorrow’s a school day, so once we’re done eating you have to clean up and get ready for bed.” It’s the last week of school, but I’m still maintaining a strict sleep routine.

  “Okay. Can I take one of the cookies Abby brought for snack tomorrow? They’re really yummy.” She folds her hands with a wide grin.

  “Of course you can. Do you want me to ask her where she bought them? Or do you prefer we bake some next weekend?”

  “Bake! I want to be a baker when I grow up.”

  I giggle and pull her to my side. “You can be anything you want.” I kiss the top of her head.

  “Did you always want to work at a diner?”

  “Not really, but I do love it.”

  “What did you want to be when you grow up?” I love her innocence.

  “When I was your age, I wanted to be a dancer.”

  Rae’s eyes light up. “Like a ballerina?”

  “Yeah. I always thought they were so pretty,” I smile, remembering the photograph of a ballet dancer I had in my room.

  “They are pretty. You woulda been a great ballerina.” She scoots closer to me and hugs my arm. “When are we gonna see Grandma and Grandpa again? I miss them.”

  “I miss them, too, sweetie. I’ll talk to Grandpa so we can go soon.”

  My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s right before I graduated high school, and it devastated my father. For years it was just the two of them. When they thought they couldn’t conceive, bam, I came along. They were always much older than my friends’ parents, and I worked a lot to help them pay for the doctors and medicines. My mom doesn’t recognize me anymore, but I help as much as I can. Although my dad refuses when I give him money, saying I need to save for Rae’s college fund, I slip a little bit of money into his room every time I go.

  It’s hard for Rae to understand the complexity of the disease, but she’s a champ. When we go and visit, she takes on the role of caregiver the same as my dad and me. She lightens up the house with her energy and chatter.

  “Time for bed,” I announce, before she falls asleep on the couch.

  “Okay.” Rae goes to wash up while I wash the dishes. I’m lucky she’s so well behaved. Her teacher also praises her.

  “I’m ready, mommy,” she yells from the room.

  “Want me to read you a story?” I peek into the room.

  Her enthusiastic nod brightens my mood. Cuddled together, I read her favorite book until her eyes shut and her breathing slows.

  “You’ve risen in the ranks with your new album, hitting the top ten. Your fans are excited about this album and the infamous bonus track written by Cole. Great choice to add that in. It’s hooked them to buy it,” Vivian, our publicist, informs us. I listen as much as possible, but my mind is elsewhere.

  Christie called me last night and I ignored it, and the text message she sent afterward. It’s over, and I made that crystal clear when we last spoke.

  “You have a few interviews and photo shoots. Cash, you and Olivia also have the interview with People Magazine. They’ll be shooting photos in your house,” Vivian continues.

  “We’re ready,” Cash replies.

  After sorting out a few more things, we practice and work on the songs we wrote while on the bus. We’ve recently welcomed Hunter Daniels, a new songwriter, to work with us. His songs are on point, and Cash and him mesh. He’s coming by today to check out our recent work.

  I strum the bass, keeping in rhythm, as my mind wanders to the green eyes I met Saturday. Met is a stretch, we barely spo
ke. I still have no idea how I ended up in that part of town, but I want to make it back and see her again. Cassidy Rae. Although, I don’t need any distractions right now.

  “Jason, are you with us?” Cash calls out.

  “Yeah, sorry. Spaced out for a sec.”

  “No shit,” Cole says.

  I run my hand through my hair. “What’s going on?”

  “Ryder was suggesting a riff between the second verse and chorus.”

  “That works,” I reply.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Ryder stares at me.

  “Yeah.”

  “Did something happen with Christie?” Cash asks.

  I groan, tugging my hair. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

  “You sure?”

  “I’m positive. We broke up, that’s it. Nothing else to tell.” I clench my jaw. I don’t want to go into the reason why we broke up. “Are we going to keep practicing?” We get back to work and I let out my emotions on my instrument of choice.

  “Okay, now tell us what happened.” Ryder props his elbows on the desk of our office after we finish working on the music to the new songs. We still have a while to go before they’re perfect, but we got a good chunk accomplished.

  “Nothing to tell. I already told you.”

  “Something happened.” Cole crosses his arms.

  I roll my eyes and look at the three of them. Sighing, I confess. “While we were on tour, she showed up at the label saying I recommended she go talk to Carl.”

  “Why?” Cash interrupts.

  “Looks like she had an agenda. She waited for me to leave to try to worm her way into the business. I never thought about it before, but I looked her up on the internet after we broke up. She has a YouTube channel, singing covers of some of the hottest country songs.

  “I got a call from Carl asking about her and I was confused when he said he met her. I confronted her when we got back. She told me it wasn’t a big deal, and she thought I’d help her get a meeting so she could share her talents with the label.”

  “Fuck,” Cole murmurs.

  “I know.”

  “I really thought she was honest. One of the good ones.”

  “Me, too.” Cole interacted with her the most since she’d come over. I know he wasn’t expecting this.

  “Damn. Sorry, Jason.”

  “It’s okay, Cash. I told her it was over and moved on. This is my career. I can’t have anyone coming in and trying to manipulate me or my bosses.”

  “Yeah, but it’s still hard,” Cash crosses his arms. I nod and lean back on the chair.

  “How about we all have dinner at the house tonight? We can order food and have it delivered by the time we get there. I’ll let Liv know,” Cash says.

  “Sure,” we all agree.

  I watch as the three of them send messages to their significant others and inwardly growl. I’ve always been a black or white guy, but this is gray matter and driving me insane.

  I cared about her. I saw a future for us. I shared everything with her, while she withheld who she really was. The next woman I meet will have a requirement of questions to answer. I’ll definitely research her, too. I refuse to get used again.

  “It’s settled. Dinner tonight,” Cash announces as if there were ever a possibility Olivia would say no. She loves having us over.

  Using the location from my Uber app, I type in the address to my Maps app and follow the directions. You bet your ass I wasn’t walking back home after that long run out there. The front of the diner is familiar, although I’ve only been here once. Joyce’s Diner. I’ll remember next time.

  The paint on the siding is peeling and the tin roof is rusted. I count the number of trucks parked, stalling. This is probably a bad idea.

  I’m here because I keep thinking about the way she hummed our song as she worked. And the way she gasped when she recognized me, but was kind enough to keep my secret. The way she blushed when I caught her singing.

  I check the time. I have about thirty minutes before I need to go to the studio, enough time for a glass of fresh OJ served by her, hopefully. I bring the cap down, shading my face, and hop out of my car.

  As I open the door, chimes ring above my head. I’ve always hated chimes on doors. It doesn’t allow for any privacy. Every time you walk in somewhere, people are aware of your presence. Right now though, I’m glad for them, because they’ve given me the opportunity to see her green eyes light up a bit upon seeing me. I smirk, walking over to the counter and take a seat.

  “Mornin.’”

  “Good morning.” She wipes the same spot incessantly.

  “Can I have an OJ please?”

  “Oh, yeah. Sorry.” She bites her lip, causing me to chuckle. “Would you like anything else?”

  “That’s all for today. Thanks. Best OJ I’ve had in a long time.” I hold the cup up and take a sip.

  “I doubt that,” she laughs and crosses her arms, the towel she was using hanging from her hand.

  “I mean it. Doesn’t hurt that it’s served by a beautiful woman.” This gets me an eye roll.

  “Nice try, but I’m not interested in being any groupie,” she hushes so no one else hears her.

  “That’s not—”

  “Save it for someone else.” She walks away, leaving me to scold myself for being a jackass. Scratching my chin, I try to think of anything to let her know I didn’t mean any offense by it.

  I try to wave her down to pay her, but she’s ignoring me harder than I ignore the paparazzi. I drop a twenty on the counter, leaving her the change for her tip. As I walk to the door, I hear someone call out, “Mommy.” I turn to see a little girl with a head of curls skip to Cassidy Rae.

  The wide green eyes tell me she didn’t want me to know she has a child. Fuck, I didn’t mean to offend her if she’s with someone, but I didn’t see a ring. Although, I should know that it doesn’t take marriage to be committed to someone. Any type of relationship is to be respected.

  I leave, wondering what kind of man allows his wife to work in a dump like this. Maybe they really need the money and it was the best she could find. Hell, I don’t know, but she’s not for me to take care of.

  Lately, I’ve been a fucking disaster, flirting with a woman I don’t even know because I want more than my current situation. I want what my friends have, but I’m a loser if I think that will happen magically. Grow some balls.

  This is my problem. I see a woman, think she’s beautiful, and pursue her. I did that with Christie. She was kind, normal, sweet. I could’ve fallen in love with her. I take a deep breath and exhale all memories of her. She’s not worth my time.

  “Do we still want to perform at Riot while we’re in town?” Cash asks as the photographer positions him.

  “Why not?” Ryder styles his hair with his fingers.

  We’re taking pictures for one of our interviews, mostly questions about our recent tour, our latest album and our reaction to the quick success it’s had. Some days I wake up in disbelief that this is my life. We all do. We hang out with people I admired for years. I never, in a million years, would’ve imagined talking to Garth Brooks, and we met him at one of the awards shows we went to last year. Hell, we’ve had writing sessions with some of the biggest names in the industry.

  “Jason?” Cash calls me.

  “Huh?”

  “Riot?”

  “Oh, whatever you guys want. I’m not gonna fuck up our career because she works there.”

  “Fuck that. Grab another chick and make her jealous. You don’t need that kinda bullshit in your life.” Ryder’s words of wisdom even make the photographer pause and stare.

  “Thanks, Ryder, but I’m good. Really. Let’s do what we always do and forget about my personal life. I can keep things professional.” As much as I was pissed and hurt Christie did that, I meant it when I told her I was done.

  Cassidy Rae’s offended face from a couple days ago comes to mind. I’m going to have to apologize. Any excuse to see her again.
The more I think about her, the less I think she’s married. Something doesn’t add up, but that could be a gut feeling.

  “I know we don’t make anything performing at Riot, but I like that we go in when we have some free time,” Cole says.

  “Honestly, I’m good with it. I won’t be going for pleasure any time soon, but I’m okay with performing there,” I reassure them.

  “Great. I’ll call them and set something up,” Cash smiles, speaking, but staring at the camera. It’s as if he’s always posed for pictures.

  When the photographer is done with Cash, she calls the rest of us one by one before she takes group photos.

  As we finish up, the anxiety to go to the diner and see Cassidy Rae to tell her I’m sorry is making me restless. It’s late afternoon already, and I’m not sure if she’ll be there but it’s worth a shot. For whatever reason, I feel the need to explain myself. I don’t want my reputation to be what it’s not.

  We finish up with the photographer, and I tell the guys I’ll see them tomorrow. They all have women to go visit, and I have one green-eyed beauty I want a glimpse of. Something tells me I should go straight home, but I ignore the rational part of my brain and head to Joyce’s Diner.

  I’m surprised by the amount of trucks parked, but I guess truck drivers don’t follow a set schedule. What do I know?

  I shield my eyes from the sun and duck into the diner. I look around, finding mostly men and some couples. There are more people than the two mornings I’ve come by. I guess some people are eating an early supper.

  I look around and don’t see Cassidy Rae, but I sit at the counter anyway. Maybe she’s in the kitchen. I look at the menu for no other reason than I need some distraction so I don’t look like some idiot staring around the entire place looking for her.

  “Sor–What are you doing here?”

  I smirk. “Hi. I was craving pancakes and was told the ones here were amazing.”

  Cassidy Rae rolls her eyes. “Is that all?” She raises her eyebrows.

  “Actually, the real reason I’m here is to apologize. I feel like a jackass for what happened the other day. I promise I wasn’t just flirtin’ for the fun of it. I meant what I said. You are beautiful, but I don’t want you to think I’m a jerk who hits on women all the time.”